Missin much

My heart is so sad right now. I am sitting here thinking about my life and where I am with everything. I am so sad. I miss so many of my friends and my old life. I miss feeling important, being happy and laughing just because. I miss being around people who know the real me and not someone they think I am. I miss just hanging out and not really having anything pressing to do. I miss having someone listen to me and caring about what I am talking about. I miss being able to share my dreams and thoughts with friends. I miss growing up and making mistakes but still being ok. I miss waking up and thinking this is going to be a good day. I miss going to sleep with a smile on my face. I miss being me and that being ok. I miss love and happiness.......

Believe only what you see?

Tonight was a very interesting night for me. I went to a friend's house to make Chex Mix and hang out with her and her mom. We were sitting around while the mix was in the oven and we started talking about her living alone and all the ups and downs that come with it. Well we started talking about her feeling safe and she started to tell me about her friend, Pete that lives with her. Now I was really confused because I knew she lived alone. And then she started telling me about different things that Pete would do. And soon after that I realized that Pete was not a person but a spirit. Now I have to tell you that this subject has always made me uneasy but I do believe in spirits completely.
She told me about lights that would be on when she had turned them off, her christmas tree being plugged in and lit up when she got home from work, "feeling" him when she walked by him in the house, and hearing different noises that she knew she wasnt making. It was very creepy to me and I am just glad that nothing like this happens in my house. It is interesting to me to hear stories about people and their experiences with spirits...Anybody got any good ones? Or do you even believe in this?

New York, New York!

I dont know why I love watching all these crazy reality dating shows on VH1 but I do! I have been watching them for a while now and the latest one for me is "I Love New York 2" which just aired its final show. I think that New York is a loud, crazy ass drama queen and her mom is the devil's wing woman but they are so much fun to watch. It is very entertaining and cracks me up.

So tonight New York was down to her final 2 guys. Buddha and Tailor Made. They are complete opposites and both have done just about everything to get New York to pick them. Buddha is a strong, sexy man that makes sure to keep New York and her mom in check. Tailor Made is sweet but a complete push over and yes man. So after her final dates with the 2 she picks Tailor Made!!!! I had thought for a while that she was going to but I dont know if she picked the right man. Buddha was so sexy and strong and YUMMY! I think she had a blonde moment. But I guess we will see on the after show if it works out. Cant wait to see!

Ice Ice Baby

So I have been wanting to post this since I watched a recent episode of Niptuck entitled "Dawn Budge II". It was definitely one of the most interesting episodes that I have seen on this show so far. And I just had to write about this cause it was so damn crazy!

One of the main characters on the show "Christian" has become a male escourt. Not that he needs to be since he is HOT HOT HOT but none the less he is. A woman approaches him and tell him that she wants him to help her live out a fantasy of hers. She goes on to tell him that she wants him to help her into a bath tub of ice cubes after she has injected herself with a tranqulizer, She wants him to time her to just the right moment before she freezes to death and then take her naked body out of the tub and have sex with her to bring her back to life!!!!! Now tell me if this aint some freaky shiznit!!! So it got me to thinking do people really do crazy stuff like this? I mean I am all for spicing it up and making it kinky but not this loopy! SO what do you all think?

Proud Momma

I just thought that I needed to take a few minutes and write about the best accomplishment in my life. My daughters are the lights of my life. I can not imagine my life without them and cherish everyday that I have them.

Bridget is 6 years old and she is a typical red head. She has a stubborn streak a mile wide and a temper to match. She also is a gifted artist and loves to create. She is quiet for the most part and takes everything in that is around her. She is also a avid reader and would rather curl up with a book than be outside.

Emily is my baby and she is 5. She is a bundle of energy from the time her feet hit the floor until she goes to sleep at night. She likes to try new things and always is wanting to meet new people. She is truly a "social butterfly" and doesnt like to sit still for any amount of time. She is a mixture of wanting to play with baby dolls and wear high heels to slopping around in the mud!

Growing up, I never envisioned this plan for my life. I never imagined that I would be a mother so early in life. I thought that I would go to school, have a great job and have everything planned out and together and then have kids. But that was not to be and I had them both early and right after one another. It has taught me a lot and made me grow up faster than ever. I know for sure that I would not change having them for anything. They make me smile when I am down, they make me laugh when I dont think I can, they love me when Im not so loveable and they give me purpose in life. Its amazing how two little girls could change me and shape me in such a huge way! And I love them more than they will ever know.

Thank you God for them and what they have brought to my life. Please help me to raise them they way you would want them to be. I am a proud momma! Amen~

Life Questions????

While at lunch the other day, I had a chance to talk to a wonderful woman that I work with. We got to talking about her and her husband. She told me that he was in a nursing home and was suffering from Alzheimers Disease. She was telling me how she went to feed him everyday and how he didnt even know her or that she was there. As she talked about him and their lives together before this disease I could see the pain in her eyes and hear the quiver in her voice. I think that it did her good to have someone to talk to and I was more that happy to listen to her stories.

She was telling me about going to feed him and how she wanted to make sure that she was there on Christmas to be with him and make sure he knew she loved him. And she broke down a little when she told me that he didnt even recognize her anymore. He didnt speak words that anyone could understand anymore and that all he did was stare into space for most of the time. She was telling me of the guilt she felt for not being able to be with him all the time. But that she felt for her health she had to try to keep living as best as she could. She just recently got this job and it was just to help take her mind off of being sad all the time and of being terribly lonely. My heart went out to her and I made sure that she knew I would do anything I could for her and would always be there if she needed to talk or cry or scream.

As I was sitting in my living room later on that evening, I got to thinking how hard it would be for someone you have spent your whole life with to dwindle away in front of your eyes. I can not imagine the pain and loneliness that would be. But I admire this lady for the love she continues to show her husband by visiting him daily and by being there even when he doesnt know her. She could just have put him in a home and left and decided he didnt know or need her anymore but she did not. She continues to try to go on with her life as best as she can and still is there for her love who doesnt see her anymore. Something I definitely want to live up to in my life.

I just wonder if I am with someone who would do the same for me. IF I was to have something happen to me like this would I be alone? Would my husband come and see me even when I couldnt see him? Would he speak of me the way she does her husband with such love and sadness in her eyes.......

Small World

I was working the other day and was in the zone that you get in when you are a cashier and you are checking person after person out and still have a long line when I looked up and who did I see??? A guy that I went to high school with! At first I was like man that looks like L.H. but I wasnt gonna say anything cause I wasnt 100% sure. So I just kept on going with my line and then I looked up again and he was like DUSTY!!! Then I knew it was him and it was so cool to see someone that you went to school with. He looked exactly the same and he said I did too. Which could be a bad thing :( or a good thing :)
Anyway I really didnt have a chance to talk to him cause he was there as a vendor so he was working and so was I. But it just put a smile on my face and make my heart all warm inside. He was an awesome guy in school and he still seems to be the same. I wish that I would have had more time to talk to him but I guess it wasnt meant to be that way. But it brought me a piece of home and I was happy about it, brought me back to the days when things were simple and fun. Very cool!

Niptuck nipped me....

So I had been watching this show called Niptuck for a couple of seasons now and it hase become one of my favorite shows to watch. I set it to tape on the dvr and love to watch it. I have to tape it cause it can sometimes be a little much and I would never watch it in front of my kids. And it really surprises me that I like it as much as I do because it is so far from the type of person that I am. It is very sexual and very graphic in nature and that just isnt me.....but I wouldnt miss a show for anything. Weird how that is but I guess Im not the only one because the show is very popular.

The show itself is about two plastic surgeons and their family and their work and then develops into storylines relating to that. It takes on a lot of different subjects and weird and unusual happenings. Anyway I just wanted to blog about it and how much I like the show. I keep coming back to see what else happens and who other crazy stories will unfold. Love the drama and suspense!