Saddness

So there are some things in my life that I am really saddened by. One is my marriage and two is my own self esteem. I know that they are both linked by the same thread. When I was younger I felt like I was never good enough to be loved and I think that feeling came from my dad not loving me like a father should. I just felt like he didnt care about me and that I wasnt good enough for him to straighten up. Since then I have always had issues with feeling like I am worth loving and caring about. My self esteem is really low and I think that it has been for a long time. I am just very lonely and feel like I dont matter sometimes. I know that I do matter to my children though and that is what I hold on to for dear life. I am so glad that they are in my life.
My marriage is also a large part of my pain. I feel like sometimes there is no hope and no reason to keep going with it. I want a loving family for my daughters to grow up in, so that they can feel safe and secure but I do not want to teach them that it is ok for someone to constantly hurt them. I had heard the saying that sometimes love isnt enough and I am truely beginning to feel that way. I was always a huge romantic and dreamed about marriage when I was young and now it just seems to be just that a dream. I just want someone to love me, to hold me, to tell me and show me that they love me. And another thing I have come to want is RESPECT! I want someone to respect me and to care about my feelings and act like they know wrong from right. I am just really lost and confused and very very unhappy right now. So if this sounds like a ramble, it is. Much like my life it doesnt make a lot of sense.